["Not Losing to the Storm."]
You idiots!
What are you doing here?!
That's just cold.
I, Gintoki Sakata, am destined to marry into the Ketsuno clan.
So if my family's in trouble, I'm obviously going to come help, bro-bro.
Who are you calling bro-bro?
I don't recall choosing you to be Christel's husband!
Leave!
Then if we win this world martial arts tournament, you'll get me as your in-law. How's that?
Who'd want a prize like that?!
I'll give you off to Demon King Piccolo or Krillin!
Leave!
Don't be such a stiff.
She's already divorced once.
And this guy has kids, so it's a perfect match.
You also plan on coming?!
Don't worry.
There won't be any complaints as long as we get the inheritance.
We're willing to call anyone our Mom.
Your kids have a real nasty streak!
Gedomaru!
Take these people out of here!
Do you believe that people without magic can possibly survive this fight?!
Lord Seimei, it's true that these people cannot use magic.
They cannot use divination or call shikigami.
They don't have the power to stop this rain.
But they know how to bring back Lady Christel's smile.
I can promise you that.
I believed that there was no one left in the Ketsuno clan to fight...
Very well.
You may join Seimei...
No, join Christel in the depths of hell.
The final battle of the weather war!
The Shikigami Tag Team Mystic Death Match begins!
Wait, Doman.
These men are not...
Didn't you hear me say to wait?!
Bro-bro, you don't need to worry.
I'm sure that they'll be able to win.
They aren't so weak as to lose to magic.
This isn't about losing to magic!
That isn't even a shikigami, is it?!
It's a shikigami.
The Odd Jobs gofer.
It's a gofer wearing full body tights!
His eyes are swimming all over!
It's doing the butterfly!
It's splashing everywhere!
Yasunori, take the first match.
Show them the might of the Shirino clan.
Yes, my lord!
I summon you, Yashamaru!
Then I shall explain the rules now.
Hey, he stopped doing the butterfly!
He's sunk to the bottom of the pool!
Three Onmyoji from each side will team up with their shikigami
to determine a victor through a battle of magic.
Call the lifeguard!
He's drowning!
Save him, quick!
There will be any legal implications if someone were to die.
No way in hell!
I can't do this, Gin-san!
Hey!
Don't ignore me, damn it!
And if you give up before you die, you will survive, but naturally, you'll lose.
I give u-
Did you say something, Team Ketsuno?
Nothing at all.
I forgot to feed him.
Here's some Petigree jam.
Eat up.
Then I will now explain the rules for the first match.
The first match will consist of a three-legged race by shikigami and master that culminates in...
Is this an eating race?
We have a chance of winning then!
The Pandemonium-eating race.
Wh-What the hell is a Pandemonium?!
One of the shikigami's favorite foods.
Pandemonium larvae.
Well, it's sort of like a snack.
You're so lucky to get an eating contest.
How could something so creepy be a snack?!
A three-legged race to the Pandemonium, or Pan for short, and the first to finish eating it wins.
First, my ass! That monster is not edible, damn it!
On your mark!
Hell no!
Not in this life!
I refuse to go!
No more!
Ready!
Wait!
Go!
What's this?!
Team Shirino cannot run due to the shikigami's size!
Ow! My crotch is being torn apart!
What are you doing?!
Hurry it up!
They just might win?!
See? I told you.
Stand, Shinpachi!
Eat the Pandemonium!
Not happening!
Anything but the Pandemonium!
Hell, it's looking at me!
It's staring at me!
This isn't much different from a crab!
Crabs, squid, shellfish, and goosefish!
Gin-chan said that the uglier it looks, the better it tastes!
That's not the problem here!
Doesn't matter how good it tastes, I just can't eat this monster!
Close your eyes and I'll shove it in your mouth.
You're not allowed to use your hands.
As we speak, Team Shirino has managed to catch up!
Shinpachi! Hurry!
Eat before they do!
Damn it, screw it!
I'll just pretend I'm doing it for Ururun Taizaiki!
[Note: Documentary show where celebrities homestay in foreign countries.]
Damn it! Just a little farther!
Hey, what are you doing?
No, uh...
My first kiss...
No, nothing...
Huh?
Let me recover.
Me too...
It was also my first...
Well, what an unexpected turn of events!
We have an accidental kiss with the Pan!
Who gives a damn?! Just hurry up!
What's with the wolf-whistling?!
Eat it!
Hurry up and eat it!
M-My bad! I didn't mean to do that.
I'm sorry to, well,
take your important first time like this...
I don't really mind...
Why are you blushing?!
I don't get it!
What's with the fluffy atmosphere?!
How do you go from a Pandemonium-eating race to this?!
Why am I so concerned about an accidental kiss...
It doesn't matter if I kissed this Pandemonium...
Hey! If you have time to start monologuing, eat the damn thing!
That was just an accident, not even a real kiss...
It's not like Pandemonium-san wanted to kiss me...
Who the hell is Pandemonium-san?!
A classmate?!
And it doesn't even matter right now...
Huh?
Who the hell is this?!
Was this how Pandemonium-san looked?!
Didn't it have a face like a Behelit?!
[Note: From the manga "Berserk"]
Huh? That's weird...
Huh?
Why is my heart beating so fast...?
Was Pandemonium-san always so cute?
This is bad!
It's getting harder to eat this...
Hey, Shinpachi.
What are you doing? Hurry up and eat it.
Um, right...
I'm sorry!
Did I touch you somewhere weird?
No...
My chest...
Chest?!
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!
It's okay.
I know...
My heart started racing so much that I...
Next time, I'll try to keep myself from making any noise.
Stop!
My heart's gonna burst!
Is he an idiot?
A complete idiot?!
It's getting more and more difficult to eat you...
I'm falling harder and harder for you...
Hey! Cut this out!
This is a Pan-eating race!
Why are you falling in love with the Pan?!
You don't need to hold back.
Please eat me.
Stop!
Stop talking!
It was my first time,
but it was also my last kiss.
I have no more regrets.
Thank you for making me feel like a girl at the end...
I can't do it!
How could I eat this lovely girl?!
What the hell is this idiot rambling about?
Eat me quickly.
If I'm going to be eaten, I would rather it be by you.
Shinpachi, eat it.
Meanwhile, Team Shirino has finished the Pan!
Is Team Ketsuno about to lose?!
You must hurry!
That's right!
Drop me to the floor so it's easier to eat me!
Please hurry!
That's not it...
Your kindness is preventing me from...
Shinpachi, outta the way!
Let me take care of this!
Pandemonium-san!
What the hell are you doing?!
Hey! Give Pandemonium-san back!
It appears that we have won the first match!
Not yet!
Whoa! Team Ketsuno has launched an attack!
A flurry of blows to the stomach
This is...?
Could it be...?!
Spit it out!
Hmm? Where is it?
I'm having a hard time finding it.
Oh, here it is.
This thing ate two of them so I can't tell which is which,
but which one do you want, Shinpachi?
How can I eat that?!
The Shirino clan is disqualified for throwing up.
The Ketsuno clan refused to eat and is also disqualified.
The first match ends in a draw!
Bah, a draw?
Oh well.
It's mostly Shinpachi's fault.
I did what I could.
It's mostly your fault.
That was one hell of a grotesque fight.
I feel sick now, damn it!
No, you've done well.
To be honest, I was amazed by your ability to knock out that fiend without any magic.
So you finally trust us, bro-bro?
Please don't be sad, Mr. Shinpachi.
I will live on in your heart.
Pandemonium-san?
Pandemonium-san...
I will never forget your soft lips...
And I will never forget...
about your soft-headedness.
I appreciate the help.
But I want you to leave if it gets dangerous.
Christel won't be able to smile if you all perish.
Right back at you, bro-bro.
Who are you calling your bro-bro?
Call me Seimei.
I won't be able to name you her husband without Christel's permission,
but I have the authority to consider you a friend.
Nah, no thanks.
Do you want me to curse you to death?
Then we will begin the second match!
And since the first match ended in a draw,
the second match will settle the battle.
A contest involving a 4 on 4 Tag Team Mystic Shoot Death Match.
The fight will continue until one side is destroyed!
Go, Gin-chan! Sister lover!
Send these clouds!
Send this rain!
Flying away!
The contest will follow a ten count rule.
Each side can only have one tag team inside the ring.
Otherwise, use a slap to trade places.
Seimei, this world doesn't need two men with the title of greatest Onmyoji.
Let's end it now.
The long struggle between Shirino and Ketsuno...
A spiral of fate that's been lined with hate...
Now let the match begin!
Wait, I was still talking.
Did I take too long?
Should I have gone with something more compact?
Lord Doman!
Exterminate the hated Ketsuno clan to usher in a golden age for the Shirino clan!
Go, Gin-chan! Sister lover!
Bring back Ms. Ketsuno's true smile!
I'll let someone else warm you up.
Soan, show them a thing or two.
Oh! Team Ketsuno has launched the first attack!
Too soon!
Haven't summoned my shikigami...
I'll beat the crap out of you
before you can use your funny magic!
You wimps can't beat me in a physical brawl!
Lord Doman!
[Famous line from the opening song of the Touch anime series.]
Touch! Touch! Touch me here!
Oops, stepped in some poop.
Wow!
Gedomaru isn't letting Doman escape!
Hey you.
I hear you're Ms. Ketsuno's ex-husband.
If you're her ex-husband,
that means you've done this and that
and all kinds of
weather phenomena with her! Is that it? Huh?!
All kinds of thunderstorm warnings?!
All kinds of flood warnings?!
Master Gintoki, now is your chance!
Right on! Time to finish this!
The Ketsuno Style Ultimate Attack!
Ketsuno(Ass) Bomber!
An explosive deadly attack!
Doman has already lost...
He dis-
-appeared?!
Oh. Sorry, Master Gintoki.
What's going on?
Where's Doman-san?
Fools.
Did you fall under my spell?
Can't you tell?
You were fighting a mere illusion.
I haven't moved a single step from this spot.
An illusion?!
You can't even touch me, much less hurt me.
Uh, Lord Doman...
There's something dripping from your ass.
It's not what you think.
This is just chronic hemorrhoids, I swear.
No, I'm serious!
What's with those looks?!
Okay, fine! I'll show you then!
I'll show you my perfect hemorrhoids as proof!
Doman used an illusion,
but he appears to have suffered severe damage to his anus.
What was the point in using an illusion?!
Finish them off while I put some medicine on my ass.
The enemy is on its last legs.
Finish off the small fry and draw Seimei out.
I summon you, Bontenmaru!
Master Gintoki, get a grip.
You're going to be killed if you don't do something.
Anything I can do?
M-My balls...
A hernia...
Push them back...
Back down please...
to their original throne...
This is no time for you making jokes.
Will hitting your back work?
Y-Yes...
Please do...
Hurry...!
Come back, xxxxicles!
How far were you trying to push it back down to?!
Well, I had to deliver an equivalent shock.
You were going to drop my life before you dropped my balls...
Trying to beat me to death?
Huh?
Hold on a second.
Isn't this...
You didn't just drop my balls!
They're rolling around on the floor!
How is it even possible for your balls to fall out?!
What are you going to do about this?!
Fix this!
Put them back!
I'm busy.
Lord Seimei, please assist.
Bah, I suppose I have no choice.
Oh! Amazing!
Seimei has instantly restored the balls to their throne without entering the ring!
I won't let that happen!
Don't interfere, Doman!
I won't let you have your way, Seimei!
An unexpected battle has erupted outside the ring!
Seimei and Doman
are engaged in an intense battle over xxxxicles that can't be followed by the naked eye!
The hell are you people doing with my balls?!
Curse you! Go up!
Down you go!
I fake up and go down!
I fake down and go down!
I go straight down!
Ow, ow, ow!
Hey, freaks!
You're both just smashing them against the floor!
There's no end to this.
Doman, I have a proposal.
What is it, Seimei?
There are two balls.
I will take the right,
while you take the left.
Each in control of one.
Why?!
Why are you dividing up my balls?!
Amusing.
A battle where we each control one ball and make them fight.
Why are you making them fight?!
What kind of fight is this?!
Go, Sasuke!
[Note: From manga "Sket Dance". Not from Naruto.] [GTO1 - Sasuke - Taste in ladies: kind girls.]
Who the hell is Sasuke?!
Go, Yusuke!
[Note: Lead character of manga "Sket Dance".] [GTO2 - Yusuke - Taste in ladies: ?????]
[Note: Each name contains kanji for left and right.] [GTO2 - Yusuke - Taste in ladies: ?????]
Don't name them by which side they're on!
Oh! We have a second intense battle outside the ring!
Ow!
Cut that out, damn it!
They are channeling the xxxxicles!
A proxy battle through xxxxicles!
Ball crashing against ball!
Will the right one reach the throne?! Or will the left one prevail?!
Send them both back!
Ouch! Ouch!
They're being crushed!
Please stop!
Get along with each other!
You two are twins, remember?!
The Sket-dan and student council may do different things,
[Note: Referring to a storyline from "Sket Dance".]
but they both want to help people in the end!
Somebody stop this fight!
Will that do it?
Crushed!
Sakata won't be able to recover from this!
Kin-chan!
Who are you calling Kin-chan?
Starting the count!
Who needs a count?!
I'll crush his head and toss him out of the ring!
Gedomaru!
Team Ketsuno has successfully pulled off a switch with Seimei!
Hey! Get a grip!
Master Gintoki.
Kin-chan!
However, Sakata is not coming to!
He may never stand again.
If you get my drift.
Forgive me for letting this go this far...
If I wasn't a failure...
There's still hope if we hurry!
I summon you, Kuzunoha!
You called, Lord Seimei?
Kuzunoha, join Gedomaru in healing this man.
You take Sasuke while Gedomaru takes Bossun.
[Note: Bossun=Yusuke's nickname.]
Very well.
And who the hell is Bossun?!
Lord Seimei.
Do not fear.
Leave the rest to me.
Have you lost your mind, Seimei?
Your shikigami have been dispatched all over Edo, limiting your powers,
and now you use your last one on another person?
An Onmyoji without shikigami is like a samurai without his sword!
You believe you can defeat Bontenmaru bare-handed?!
Seimei-san!
I can no longer see...
Doman,
it appears that I've lost sight of myself again.
But this time,
I care not about duty, honor, tradition, the Bakufu...
Nor of our long struggle with the Shirino clan...
I see nothing at all...
Impossible!
He withstood an attack from a shikigami unarmed?!
What's this...?!
Seimei's power is rapidly growing...!
You couldn't have...!
Seimei, you bastard...
You've unsummoned the countless shikigami watching over Edo
to focus all of your power!
Your actions will cause you to be dismissed as lead guardian of Edo!
I no longer have a need to watch over all!
I only want one thing...
I only want to see her smile...
That's all.
Come get me, Doman!
I shall show you the true power of the head of the Ketsuno clan, Seimei Ketsuno!
[To Be Continued]
[Preview]
That's Antenmaru...
He was sealed away by the Ketsuno and Shirino clan a millennium ago.
Master Gintoki, this isn't the time to be laying around.
The next episode...
"Never Losing That Smile."
[The tragedy that took place between the Ketsunos and Shirinos one-thousand years ago repeats!]
[Stand tall, ball-less Gin-chan, aka Kin-chan. Though the rules have been a bit strict lately, remain strong!!]
[See you next time.]